Tag Archive | Subway

Why Olivia Wilde Needs To Have A Miscarriage

I normally consider it to be beneath me to have an opinion on a matter pertaining to celebrity gossip, but the story of Olivia Wilde’s hissy fit regarding pregnant women on the train is worth exploring. Wilde tweeted that people who don’t give up their seats on the train to pregnant women are “selfish.” When […]

Black Kid On Train: “Shit Yo Shit Son Mad Shit Mad Son Shit Yo Shit Son Shit Shit Mad Shit”

  NEW YORK CITY– Stock prices plummeted yesterday to their lowest point since January 2015 after a black kid on the Brooklyn bound F train said, “Shit yo shit son mad shit mad son shit yo shit son shit shit mad shit.” The black kid’s reflections come just five days after a failed military coup […]

Frustrated Commuter Attempts To Make Train Go Faster By Sighing And Shaking Her Head

QUEENS, NY—Slow service on the 179th Street bound F train led one frustrated commuter to take matters into her own hands. According to eyewitnesses, twenty-six-year-old Rachel Rowe began to sigh heavily and shake her head Tuesday morning when the conductor announced that passengers would be momentarily delayed due to train traffic ahead of them. The […]

Subway Passengers Go to Great Lengths to Avoid Empty Soda Can Left on Seat

NEW YORK CITY– Commuters were in for quite a scare on Friday morning when an empty soda can was left on one of the seats of the Queens bound F train. “Even though there was nowhere else to sit, no one, myself included, wanted to go anywhere near it,” said passenger Hector Guzman. Neither did […]

Hell Freezes Over! Millions Forced To Honor Rhetorical Promises

  HELL– According to top scientists and theologians, Hell froze over on Monday, forcing millions of people worldwide to honor rhetorical promises. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer was the first to report on the freezing over of Hell, which took place at around 2:03 PM, Eastern Standard Time. Shortly after, thirty-two-year-old Erin Garnier of San Diego, California had […]

Black Kid Who Sells M&Ms On The Subway Fails To Stay Out Of Trouble

  NEW YORK CITY– A black kid who was selling M&Ms on the subway was arrested yesterday, despite the fact that he was allegedly selling them in order to “stay out of trouble.” On Saturday, sixteen-year-old DeShawn Stevenson was exiting the Brooklyn bound F train at Delancey Street in Manhattan when suddenly, a small packet of cocaine […]

Editorial: An Apology To My Readers

On Sunday, I was sitting in Tea Lounge, a coffee shop in Park Slope, reading a book, when all of a sudden; I looked up and saw Morgan Spurlock purchasing an iced coffee. He was with his wife (the same woman that he was dating in Supersize Me) and his baby boy. I thought about […]