Tag Archive | National Guard

“May You Live In Interesting Times” Says Creepy Chinese Man Before Entering Voting Booth

HAIGHT, MI- Violent clashes with police and the National Guard erupted for the fourth night in a row in the former United States on Saturday, leaving thousands dead and hundreds injured. The chaos comes amid reports that a creepy Chinese man delivered a curse upon the American people on Tuesday before entering the voting booth. […]

Man Asks Woman Her Age

BRAINY BORO, NJ– A stunned nation is reeling after a Kinkos employee asked his female co-worker her age. The shocking breach of decorum was committed by forty-seven-year-old William Mersen, who claims that he wanted to know her age in order to determine if she would understand some of his “older pop culture references.” But the […]

Dozens Of Earthquakes Rock The United States; Libraries And Bookstores Looted

  UNITED STATES– Fifty major earthquakes rocked the United States yesterday, leaving over a hundred thousand people dead. At exactly 6:38 AM, Eastern Standard Time, each of the fifty states experienced an earthquake that measured 7.5 on the Richter scale. But what was even more shocking than the actual earthquakes were American’s reactions to them. […]

Disgruntled NYC Marathon Runners Burn Down Houses On Staten Island

  STATEN ISLAND— Being told that the ING New York City Marathon would not be run this year due to the aftereffects of Hurricane Sandy, thousands of runners expressed their frustration  by burning down most of the remaining homes on Staten Island, the borough that was hit hardest by the storm. “You don’t go and […]