Tag Archive | MTA

50,000 People Run 26.2 Miles Despite Having Access To Cars, Trains, and Buses

NEW YORK CITY– An estimated fifty-thousand people from seventy different countries ran through all five boroughs of New York City on Sunday, despite the fact that cars, trains, and buses exist. The misguided mob met at the foot of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in Staten Island and didn’t stop running until they reached Central Park hours […]

New York City Rat Mistaken For Lion

  NEW YORK CITY– A rat scurrying across the subway tracks in New York City was mistaken for a lion on Friday, causing widespread panic. Witnesses reported seeing the rat on the tracks at West 4th Street. Alan Trucy, 31, was waiting for the Brooklyn bound F train when he spotted the rat. “Out of […]

MTA To New York City: “You Need To Spend More Quality Time At Home This Weekend

  NEW YORK CITY– MTA president Kieron Slattery sparked citywide controversy on Friday when he recommended that New York residents stay in this weekend and “spend more quality time at home.” “If you’re waiting for a train this weekend,” said Slattery in a press conference that was held at City Hall, “your best bet is […]

An E-Mail To My Stepsister, Olivia, Regarding The 2006 Remake Of King Kong

  Olivia,   I’m going to make a fruitless attempt to try to put into words how horrible of a film King Kong was, but before I do, I want to write about something that happened before the movie started. A fat guy sat near the front, and when he took off his jacket, it […]

“C” Stands For Charcoal

I have a confession to make: the only reason why I study acting is because I plan on making films that will inspire people to murder MTA employees. It has happened before. Do you remember back in the early ‘90’s when that movie “Money Train” came out, and there was that scene where a guy […]