Tag Archive | Jessica Alba

Obscure Lives Matter

In his speech at the RNC, a delusional Antonio Sabato Jr. said, “I don’t care if Hollywood rejects me for supporting Donald Trump.” Soap operas are not Hollywood, and Antonio Sabato Jr. was on a soap opera twenty years ago, which was probably before he even knew whether he was a Republican or a Democrat. […]

Jessica Alba Pregnant With Keith Malek’s Child

  BROOKLYN– Hollywood actress Jessica Alba is expecting her first child with boyfriend Keith Malek. “I can confirm that Jessica and Keith are expecting a baby in late spring/early summer,” Alba’s publicist, Brad Cafarella said on Monday in an e-mail to the Associated Press. Alba, 26, stars in the new thriller Awake, and recently appeared […]

My Letter To The Make A Wish Foundation

  Make A Wish Foundation of America 4742 N.24th St., Suite 400 Phoenix, AZ 85016   Dear Make A Wish Foundation,   I am writing to you in the hope that you will grant me my dying wish before I depart from this cruel, cruel world. But before I continue, I should mention that I […]

An Analysis of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Definition of Success

  I might just have to kill someone if I see this sentimental bullshit printed on one more poster, bookmark, or coffee mug:   Success   To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of […]

Career Change

  Passengers at the airport are now being given full body pat-downs, which brings up two important questions: What airport does Jessica Alba fly out of, and are they hiring?     November 23, 2010

A Lost Opportunity

I wish I had been at City Hall on Monday when Mayor Bloomberg signed the term limit extension bill. Residents were allowed to express their opinions about the bill before he signed it, and they were each given two minutes to speak. I only found out about this hearing when it was already halfway over, […]

Point/Counterpoint: Derek Jeter

Yes, I’m Guilty Of Stealing A Piece Of The Old Yankee Stadium By Derek Jeter, Yankees shortstop   Okay, I’ll admit it. Back in September, I stole a sign from the old Yankee Stadium. It was in the Yankees clubhouse, and it was a sign that had a quotation from Joe DiMaggio, who said, “I […]