Tag Archive | Hillary Clinton

America Deserves a Trump Presidency

A supporter once called out, “Governor Stevenson, all thinking people are for you!” And Adlai Stevenson answered, “That’s not enough. I need a majority.”                                    –Scott Simon A panoply of emotions are acceptable regarding the outcome of the 2016 election–dread, anger, sadness–but one thing that you are not allowed to feel is surprise. If you’re […]

Sarah Palin Warns America: “You’ll Be Fucked With A Capital ‘R’ If You Elect Hillary”

WASILLA, AK– Former Alaska governor and 2008 vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin warned Americans that they will be “fucked with a capital ‘R’” if they elect Hillary Clinton for president. Palin issued the dire warning on Fox News’s The O’Reilly Factor. “Um…I think you meant to say a capital ‘F,’” said the visibly nervous host, […]

Black Kid On Train: “Shit Yo Shit Son Mad Shit Mad Son Shit Yo Shit Son Shit Shit Mad Shit”

  NEW YORK CITY– Stock prices plummeted yesterday to their lowest point since January 2015 after a black kid on the Brooklyn bound F train said, “Shit yo shit son mad shit mad son shit yo shit son shit shit mad shit.” The black kid’s reflections come just five days after a failed military coup […]

Actor Anton Yelchin’s Death Results in Murder of 50,000 Jeep Grand Cherokees

LOS ANGELES– Fifty-thousand Jeep Grand Cherokees have been hunted down and killed following the tragic death of Anton Yelchin, the actor who portrayed Checkov in the latest Star Trek reboot. Yelchin died last week after he was crushed by his Jeep Grand Cherokee. After putting it in park and exiting the vehicle, it mysteriously rolled […]