“May You Live In Interesting Times” Says Creepy Chinese Man Before Entering Voting Booth

HAIGHT, MI- Violent clashes with police and the National Guard erupted for the fourth night in a row in the former United States on Saturday, leaving thousands dead and hundreds injured. The chaos comes amid reports that a creepy Chinese man delivered a curse upon the American people on Tuesday before entering the voting booth. […]

During Lunch At The White House, President Obama Reminds Mitt Romney That The President Has His Own Personal Chef

  WASHINGTON, D.C.– In an attempt to find common ground and work in a bipartisan fashion, President Obama had lunch with Mitt Romney on Tuesday at the White House, where the president reminded the defeated Republican candidate that the White House has a personal chef. “Whatever you want to eat, the White House chef can […]

Nutjobs Celebrate Congressional Ban Of The Word “Lunatic”

  WASHINGTON, D.C.– On Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted 398-1 in support of a bill banning the use of the word “lunatic” in all federal legislation, causing nutjobs in all fifty states to take to the streets in celebration. Intended to erase outdated or derogatory language from the U.S. legal code, the House vote […]

Obama Thwarts Terrorist Attack During State Of The Union Address By Reciting A Mad Man’s Riddle

    WASHINGTON, D.C.– A ticking nuclear bomb that would have killed an estimated one million people was placed in a briefcase in downtown Chicago on Tuesday night during the president’s State of the Union Address. According to an anonymous source within the Obama administration, the president was informed of the bomb ten minutes before […]

Vice President Joe Biden Died Three Weeks Ago

WASHINGTON, D.C.– Reports out of Washington D.C. have confirmed that Joe Biden died on June 25, the same day that Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest. The outspoken Vice President succumbed to a stroke in his home, according to his wife, Jill Biden. “Joe died on the same day as Michael Jackson,” said an angry […]

Woman Who Has Never Read A Book Writes A Book

  WASILLA, ALASKA– Surprising both her critics and supporters alike, Sarah Palin has completed her autobiography, a stunning feat for a woman who can barely read. Co-written with a “collaborator” by the name of Lynn Vincent, “Going Rogue: An American Life” is set to hit stores on November 17. The book is four-hundred pages, prompting […]

Angry Voter Who Pulled Lever Extra Hard Fails To Realize That He Only Gets One Vote

  LUBBOCK, TX– An angry Mitt Romney supporter pulled the lever extra hard in the voting booth on Tuesday, not realizing that it would only result in the former Massachusetts governor receiving one vote from him. According to witnesses, Billy Ray Hawkins entered the voting booth at approximately 8:36 AM, and what sounded like a […]