Non-journalism

Bus A Move

“…one of those quiet heroes we have all across America. They’re not famous. Their names are not in the newspapers, but each and every day they work hard. They aren’t seeking the limelight. All they try to do is just do the right thing.” — President Barack Obama, November 3, 2008 Due to construction, the […]

Spare Me

As a writing prompt, I chose to answer the following question from Wes Hazard’s Questions For Terrible People: 250 Questions You’ll Be Ashamed To Answer. Pop Quiz: Would you rather be beaten to death with: a) a lead pipe, b) an Academy Award statue c) a bowling pin? Explain your reasoning in detail. I would […]

Wishy Washy

Anne Shea, a woman that I don’t know and am not even Facebook “friends” with, posted this ad in a Facebook group: Free to a loving home. Nearly new washing machine! PM me for details please! This was my response: Anne, I’m contacting you because I’m interested in the washing machine. However, I also want […]

I Don’t Know Why This Keeps Happening To Me, But I Love It

Once again, I found someone’s drivers license (as well as his EBT card) on the train. You might recall that this has happened to me once before, which I chronicled on here in my letter titled “Dear Roanirt.” Anyway, I googled this man’s address, and found out that he lives in a housing project in […]

America Deserves a Trump Presidency

A supporter once called out, “Governor Stevenson, all thinking people are for you!” And Adlai Stevenson answered, “That’s not enough. I need a majority.”                                    –Scott Simon A panoply of emotions are acceptable regarding the outcome of the 2016 election–dread, anger, sadness–but one thing that you are not allowed to feel is surprise. If you’re […]

Why Olivia Wilde Needs To Have A Miscarriage

I normally consider it to be beneath me to have an opinion on a matter pertaining to celebrity gossip, but the story of Olivia Wilde’s hissy fit regarding pregnant women on the train is worth exploring. Wilde tweeted that people who don’t give up their seats on the train to pregnant women are “selfish.” When […]

Obscure Lives Matter

In his speech at the RNC, a delusional Antonio Sabato Jr. said, “I don’t care if Hollywood rejects me for supporting Donald Trump.” Soap operas are not Hollywood, and Antonio Sabato Jr. was on a soap opera twenty years ago, which was probably before he even knew whether he was a Republican or a Democrat. […]