Jury Duty

Jury Duty Part 1

In case you had any doubts as to how fucked up our legal system is, I of all people just got done serving jury duty on a murder trial! No, I’m not joking. Day 1 (Tuesday, October 3) It was about one month beforehand that I received a summons to appear at the Supreme Court […]

Jury Duty Part 2

Day 2 (October 4) Part 1   The Defense attorney’s name was Guardanino, and just in case you don’t think that he was the most stereotypical Italian-American Brooklynite that’s ever lived, I’ll inform you THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY WEARING A PINKY RING! No, I’m not making that up. I wish I was. Anyway, the voir […]

Jury Duty Part 3

Day 2 (Wednesday, October 4) Part 2   After lunch, we heard opening statements. ADA Walsh went first. But before I tell you what he said, I first want to tell you something that you’ll find to be unbelievably shocking. In fact, you probably won’t believe me. However, I need you to keep an open […]

Jury Duty Part 4

Day 3 (Thursday, October 5) Part 1 When you serve as a juror, most of your time is spent waiting in the jurors room. Every day, we were told to be there at 9:00, but court never started until at least 10:00 or 10:30. Plus, for reasons that were never made clear, every time that […]

Jury Duty Part 5

Day 3 (October 5) Part 2   When we went back into the courtroom, Boyd wasn’t in handcuffs. I was glad, because if they had handcuffed him, I knew that all I would be thinking about was spiders, and I wouldn’t have paid attention to anyone’s testimony. There were, however, two extra court officers sitting […]

Jury Duty Part 6

Day 3 (Thursday, October 5) Part 3   The next person to testify was the cop who put Deron Powell into the ambulance. He looked just like Harry Connick Jr., but he had the exact same voice as Ray Romano, leading me to believe that during lunch, someone had slipped acid into my coffee. “As […]

Jury Duty Part 7

Day 4 (October 9) Part 2 Just in case you were thinking that this trial couldn’t possibly get any more strange, after lunch, while Deron Powell’s sister was testifying, about fifteen Hasidic Jews (mostly children) walked into the courtroom and sat down. One of the jurors told me later that it was a Jewish holy week, […]