Archive | November 2016

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50,000 People Run 26.2 Miles Despite Having Access To Cars, Trains, and Buses

NEW YORK CITY– An estimated fifty-thousand people from seventy different countries ran through all five boroughs of New York City on Sunday, despite the fact that cars, trains, and buses exist. The misguided mob met at the foot of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in Staten Island and didn’t stop running until they reached Central Park hours […]

“May You Live In Interesting Times” Says Creepy Chinese Man Before Entering Voting Booth

HAIGHT, MI- Violent clashes with police and the National Guard erupted for the fourth night in a row in the former United States on Saturday, leaving thousands dead and hundreds injured. The chaos comes amid reports that a creepy Chinese man delivered a curse upon the American people on Tuesday before entering the voting booth. […]

America Deserves a Trump Presidency

A supporter once called out, “Governor Stevenson, all thinking people are for you!” And Adlai Stevenson answered, “That’s not enough. I need a majority.”                                    –Scott Simon A panoply of emotions are acceptable regarding the outcome of the 2016 election–dread, anger, sadness–but one thing that you are not allowed to feel is surprise. If you’re […]