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Man Named Richard Insists On Being Called Dick

UNO, PENNSYLVANIA–Local resident Richard Charon insists on being called Dick, despite several alternatives. Charon, an investment banker, is well aware that he could be called Richard, Rich, Rick, or Ricky, but insists that Dick is a perfectly acceptable moniker. “I have no problem with it,” he said. “No problem at all.”

Other people born with the name Richard, including actor and comedian Richard Belzer, actor Rick Schroeder, and singer Rick Springfield, disagree. So does comedian Ricky Gervais, who said, “Unless you’re a urologist, why would you do that to yourself? I mean, look at the musician Little Richard. Do you think that he would’ve gotten a recording contract if his name had been Little Dick? And I know that Tiny Tim went into show business because he’s tiny, but if his name had been Richard, even he would be too embarrassed to go by the name Tiny Dick.” College basketball sportscaster Dick Vitale was unavailable for comment, but Gervais addressed his name, saying, “There’s clearly something wrong with that man anyway. No sane person goes around being that happy and excited. He gives Dicks a bad name.”

Eighty-nine-year-old Dick Van Dyke disagrees with Gervais. “There’s a reason why they call me Dick,” the creepy octogenarian said while pulling down his pants.

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