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Area Man Fails To Check Himself, Wrecks Himself

EAST NEW YORK– A Brooklyn teen is dead after ignoring the advice of his assailant. Nineteen-year-old Devon Grimes suffered multiple gun shot wounds to the neck and torso after failing to check himself. The wrecked teen’s controversial decision led to the subsequent arrest of twenty-two-year-old Laquondo Brown, who was apprehended later that evening by police officers from the 70th precinct.

   Brown’s attorney, Daniel Freidman, claims that his client is innocent, and that Grimes’s death should be labeled a suicide. “Since Mr. Grimes was given ample warning to check himself, and failed to do so, the jury will have no choice but to determine that it was Mr. Grimes who wrecked himself, not my client.”

   Eyewitnesses, most of whom were friends with Grimes, reluctantly agreed with Friedman. One of those eyewitnesses was seventeen-year-old Lateesha Smith, who said, “He be all up in Loquondo’s face, talkin shit. I’m like, ‘Uh uh, son. That nigga don’t play.'” Eighteen-year-old Antwoine Kolby echoed Smith’s statement, saying, “I told Devon, ‘Don’t front. That nigga Loquondo been in and outta jail mad times. Shit.'”

   This isn’t the first time that Grimes’s peer group has accurately predicted future events. In 2006, they predicted that the overvaluation of bundled subprime mortgages combined with a lack of adequate capital holdings from banks and insurance companies to back the commitments would lead to a global financial crisis.


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