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Man Playing Air Guitar Clearly Has No Idea How To Play Real Guitar

HORSEHEADS, NY– Steve Jensen’s lack of real life musical skills were clearly on display Thursday night at Sullivan’s Irish Pub in Horseheads, New York. In a move that one witness referred to as “embarrassing to even watch, much less participate in,” the  thirty-five-year-old Jensen performed a series of strange gyrations when the 1989 Motley Crue hit “Dr. Feelgood” was played on the bar’s jukebox.

Customers told reporters that Jensen’s failed attempt at air guitar began at the point of the song when Motley Crue’s lead singer Vince Neil says “Guitar” just before guitarist Mick Mars breaks into a guitar solo. But according to bartender Alan Treacy, “Vince Neil might as well have said ‘seizure,’ because that’s what Jensen looked like he was having.” Rachel Waldron Cassidy seconded Treacy’s thoughts, saying, “I was two seconds away from calling a doctor.”

   And in an unfortunate twist for Jensen, Eric Clapton happened to be in the bar that night. “His performance was simply atrocious,” said Clapton. “First of all, his finger placement was a joke. I didn’t realize that the guitar has eight strings. Second, with the way he slid his left hand down the guitar, well, let’s just say that he must have been playing the world’s longest guitar.  Either that, or he was actually hailing a taxi. And his right hand…I don’t even want to talk about it.”

   Jensen redeemed himself ten minutes later by miming a convincing piano solo at the beginning of Guns n Roses’ “November Rain.”

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