JERKWATER, PA– While visiting the bedside of her mother at St. Anthony’s Hospital in Jerkwater, Pennsylvania, forty-six-year-old Mary Helmreich told reporters that she “hates hospitals.”
Helmreich, who according to family members has a long history of saying things that are “obvious and unoriginal,” did not appear to know that almost no one likes hospitals. “I wasn’t even going to confront her on it,” said Helmreich’s brother, Stewart. “This is the same woman who, when it’s eighteen degrees outside, will walk into the house and go, ‘It’s freezing out there!'”
It has not been confirmed, but rumors persist that Helmreich hates funerals as well.