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Man Who Read “The Power of Now” Hasn’t Left Sofa In 6 Months

EMBARRASS, WI– Lawrence Gablan has not gotten off of his sofa since April, according to concerned friends and family members. The fifty-six-year-old accountant attributes his stationary lifestyle to his recent reading of the 1997 Deepak Chopra book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. “It’s an exaggeration to say that I never get off the sofa,” he clarified. “I get up to eat and go to the bathroom, but that’s about it.”

   But even in those experiences, Gablan finds beauty. When he entered the bathroom on Tuesday morning, he heard the faucet dripping. “I stood there for two and a half hours, letting the sound filter through my soul with no outside thoughts or distractions,” he said. He then quoted Chopra by saying, “Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.

   Gablans’s wife, Lee Ann, agrees that The Power of Now has changed her husband’s life, but not for the better. “He stopped going to work, and our savings have dwindled down to almost nothing,” she said. “Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to concern him very much. Instead, he continues to sit there and stare at the God damn windowsill for forty-five minutes with tears in his eyes because he sees a ladybug walking across it.”

   Gablan says that he feels bad for his wife for “never having the joy of seeing how the skin of a grape shines in the light when you open up the refrigerator door in darkness,” or “the sense of pure bliss from seeing a window curtain gently swaying next to an open window in the April breeze.”

   Not swayed by her husband’s arguments, Lee Ann Gablan told reporters that she is “five minutes away from shoving divorce papers up his New Age asshole.”

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