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Eight-Year-Old Launches Dramatic, 20 Minute Long Hunger Strike

KILL DEVIL HILLS, NC– A debate between a child and her parents quickly escalated into a dangerous act of civil disobedience on Monday, when Christine Pruva refused to eat her dinner. Her defiance was in response to her parents decision to not allow her to stay up until nine o’clock to watch the television program Dog With A Blog the Disney Channel series about a talking dog.

   “We were sitting at the dinner table, just about to eat, when she expressed her excitement about watching that show later on,” said Christine’s mother, Jennifer. “I reminded her that she goes to bed at 8:30 on school nights. No exceptions. She then shoved her dinner plate away from her and said, ‘Fine. Then I’m not eating.'” “We never saw her do this before, so we weren’t sure how to react,” said Christine’s father, Alex. “We thought it was just a spontaneous temper tantrum. We didn’t realize that she had done quite a bit of medical and historical research beforehand.”

   “Here’s what’s going to happen,” said the well read second grader. “Right now, my body is still using energy from glucose. The first seventy-two hours without food will be extremely difficult, but if I can get past those first seventy-two hours–and believe me, I will–my liver will start processing body fat. Like I said, it will be difficult, but during this process I will take comfort in the knowledge that ten members of the Irish National Liberation Army did the same thing back in 1981 after protesting the removal of their Special Category status in HM Prison Maze.” “Around Day 7,” she continued, “I will show major signs of vitamin deficiency. I will experience hair loss, and boils will break out on my body. That will be a small price to pay. Gandhi didn’t seem to mind breaking out into boils during his hunger strike over Britain’s support of a separate constitution for India’s Untouchables.”

   Alex and Jennifer ignored their daughter’s threats as she continued, “After three weeks my body will go into starvation mode. I will be in good company though, because suffragist Alice Paul was also starving back in 1916, when she protested the conditions of her incarceration at Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia. And as I slip into starvation mode, I will begin to have delusions. But you two are the ones who are delusional if you think you can stop me from watching Dog With A Blog.”

   Alex grabbed a second helping of meatloaf and Jennifer started to do the dishes as Christine issued a dire warning about Day 25. “Day 25 will most likely bring about my death. I hope the shame of such an occurance will both embarrass you and lead you to a jail cell. Just know that you brought this upon yourselves.”

   The hunger strike ended fifteen minutes later when Alex informed Christine that she wouldn’t be getting any icecream for dessert unless she finished her dinner.


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