BRONX– Most retired athletes choose to become coaches or commentators, but in a surprise move, Yankee slugger Derek Jeter announced on Monday that after he retires at the end of the season, he will work as a cashier in one of the souvenir stands at Yankee Stadium. “I could become the team manager, but that doesn’t make me feel like I’d have enough control over the outcome of the game,” he said. “I would be teasing myself by being so close to the game without actually playing in it. Instead, I have decided to sell t-shirts and caps at one of the souvenir stands.”
By doing this, Jeter said that he would still be able to hear the roar of the crowd while “continuing to play a vital role in the Yankees organization.” “At eight dollars an hour, he’s clearly not doing it for the money,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi. “Either way, I wish him the best of luck.”
Jeter doubts that his employment at the souvenir stand would be distracting. “It’s all about context. No one will expect me to be working there, so they won’t believe that it’s me. It’s kind of like when you see your third grade teacher at a strip club,” he said, leaving the room of reporters in confused silence.
Jeter added that if things don’t work out selling souvenirs, he wouldn’t mind trying to sell beer in the stands. “I think it would be fun to yell ‘Beah heah,'” he said. “That would be fulfilling.”