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Nate Silver Of FiveThirtyEight.com Voted People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive


NEW YORK– In what many are calling an unusual choice, People Magazine has chosen it’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2012, and it’s none other than Nate Silver, statistician and creator of the website FiveThirtyEight.com. Silver, who successfully predicted the winner of forty-nine of the fifty states in the 2008 election, and all fifty in the 2012 election (as well as the District of Columbia), has what People Magazine refers to as “an understanding of the world that drives women wild.” “It goes without saying,” wrote People, “that a man who can figure out sabermetric techniques and apply them to an optimization test algorithm can definitely figure out what women want, and give it to them as well.”


Friends of Silver say that ever since November's election, the statistician has been "practically swimming in seas of pussy."

Friends of Silver say that ever since November’s election, the statistician has been “practically swimming in seas of pussy.”

  Even so, some women are questioning the magazine’s choice. “I’m sure that he’s smart and everything,” said one woman who wished to remain anonymous, “but I was certain that they were going to pick someone hot like Ryan Gosling or Keith Malek. This Silver guy looks like a total nerd.”
   Nerd or not, Silver is starting to gain the attention of many young Hollywood starlets, like Hayden Panettiere, who said, “If a man can do what he does with statistics, can you imagine what he must be able to do with his tongue?” Minka Kelly echoed Panettiere’s comments, saying, “I’m not even political, but when I saw that Nate made the absurd prediction back in 2008 that Obama would win North Carolina by fourteen points, and then Obama went and did just that, I felt an overwhelming urge to put his dick in my mouth.”
   A downtrodden Bradley Cooper, last year’s Sexiest Man Alive, told reporters that he “plans on learning long division or something” in order to win back the title next year.

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