Archive | December 2012

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Point/Counterpoint: George Thorogood

  Point/Counterpoint                       I’m Bad To The Bone                                     By George Thorogood    On the day I was born the nurses all gathered ’round. And they gazed in wide wonder at the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up. Said “leave this one alone.” She […]

This Time, The Crocodile’s Tears Are Real

  TANZANIA– A crocodile living in the Serengeti Plain shed real tears on Friday upon hearing the news of the massive school shooting in Newtown, Conneticut. “Twenty-eight people are dead,” the crocodile told reporters, “including twenty children. If that doesn’t make you cry, I don’t know what will.”    But even with his reassurances that […]

During Lunch At The White House, President Obama Reminds Mitt Romney That The President Has His Own Personal Chef

  WASHINGTON, D.C.– In an attempt to find common ground and work in a bipartisan fashion, President Obama had lunch with Mitt Romney on Tuesday at the White House, where the president reminded the defeated Republican candidate that the White House has a personal chef. “Whatever you want to eat, the White House chef can […]

Not Surprised

  Cars are being towed from areas affected by Hurricane Sandy, and the owners haven’t been given any notice. One woman was quoted as saying, “Why didn’t we hear about this on the news that they were going to do this?” Well, let’s think about that. Maybe it’s because the nightly news dedicates its coverage […]

In Regards To The Royal Breeders….

….I have a question.  If William and Kate’s baby ends up having Down Syndrome, will it still be allowed to run the country some day? We’ve tried that with one of our rulers in this country. He’s currently retired and living in Crawford, Texas.

Nutjobs Celebrate Congressional Ban Of The Word “Lunatic”

  WASHINGTON, D.C.– On Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted 398-1 in support of a bill banning the use of the word “lunatic” in all federal legislation, causing nutjobs in all fifty states to take to the streets in celebration. Intended to erase outdated or derogatory language from the U.S. legal code, the House vote […]

Nate Silver Of FiveThirtyEight.com Voted People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive

  NEW YORK– In what many are calling an unusual choice, People Magazine has chosen it’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2012, and it’s none other than Nate Silver, statistician and creator of the website FiveThirtyEight.com. Silver, who successfully predicted the winner of forty-nine of the fifty states in the 2008 election, and all fifty in […]