BROOKLYN– Hollywood actress Jessica Alba is expecting her first child with boyfriend Keith Malek. “I can confirm that Jessica and Keith are expecting a baby in late spring/early summer,” Alba’s publicist, Brad Cafarella said on Monday in an e-mail to the Associated Press.
Alba, 26, stars in the new thriller Awake, and recently appeared in Good Luck Chuck and The Ten. Malek, 29, played a shoplifter in an industrial video for K-Mart back in 2005. The unlikely couple met earlier this year, shortly after Alba had broken up with longtime boyfriend Cash Warren. “Since we met a day or two after she broke up with Cash, I thought that she was just using me as a revenge fuck, which was fine by me,” said Malek. “However, I quickly realized that it was a bit more complicated than that.”
It was indeed. After dating for several months, the couple split up. Alba had trouble adjusting to the breakup, which became obvious when Malek had a restraining order issued against her. “When we were together, Jessica and I were having sex anywhere between eight to ten times a day,” said Malek. “Sex sex sex sex sex. That was all she ever wanted to do. I know that that sounds great. I mean, after all, she’s Jessica Alba, right? But it got to be too much.” He added, “Not only was I too exhausted to do anything else, but we never even spent time talking to each other. One time, I asked her what her favorite color was, and she screamed, ‘My favorite color is shut up and fuck me.’ I felt so used.” In addition to the endless amounts of sex that Alba demanded, Malek claims that she would call him on the telephone at least fifteen times a day. “She would call me ten minutes after she left my apartment, and ask me what I was doing,” said Malek. “I wanted to say to her, ‘I’m trying to get some sleep considering that we just had a twenty hour sex marathon! You should do the same!'”
But the final straw came in late September, just before Malek embarked on a shark diving expedition. “I went cage diving with great white sharks off the coast of Mexico,” said Malek. “When I told Jessica that I was planning on doing this, she went berserk, begging me not to go.” According to Malek, Alba was concerned for his safety. “I guess that’s understandable,” he said. “The only problem was that, unbeknownst to me, she followed me to the airport. And just when I got to my terminal, she fell to the floor and grabbed my legs, screaming, “Don’t go! If something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to go on living!” Airport security guards managed to restrain the actress. Even so, that incident proved to Malek that it was time for a change. “At that point, I knew that once I got back from my vacation, I was going to have to break up with her.”
When he sat down with Alba one week later, his message was gentle but firm: they were through. There would be no more phone calls, no more sexual marathons, no more begging and pleading. Alba didn’t take the news kindly, which was proven moments later when she held an eight inch carving knife to Malek’s throat and shouted, “What part of ‘I can’t live without you’ do you not understand?” Within twenty-four hours, a restraining order was issued.
In Malek’s opinion, the restraining order produced “mixed results.” “It had no effect on Jessica in the sense that she continued to stalk me,” he said. “However, what saved me was her reaction to it.” Minutes after receiving the document, Alba arrived on Malek’s doorstep. “She had tears running down her cheeks,” Malek recalls. “Fortunately for me, they were tears of laughter because she was in so much denial that she refused to take the restraining order seriously. If she had taken it as seriously as she should have, it would have served as my death certificate.” Instead of taking it seriously, Alba was doubled over in laughter, and she began to engage in origami. “Is it a restraining order,” she asked after folding the document several times, “or is it a dragon?” She laughed some more, folded it again, and said, “Actually, it’s a monkey!” Then she paused, wiped tears from her face, and said, “Seriously though. I miss you. Let’s fuck.” Malek claims that he was too scared to give her a direct “no.” “It was kind of lame, but I said to her, ‘I would love to, Jess, but after we broke up, I threw away all of my condoms.’ She said, ‘That’s okay, Keith. I’m on the pill.'”
The rest is history. On a positive note, Malek informed Alba that he would throw out the restraining order under the strict condition that they not have sex more than four times a day. “It’s very tempting to break that rule,” said Malek. “And despite Jessica’s constant begging, for the most part, I’m able to adhere to it. Otherwise, four times becomes five times, which becomes eight times, which becomes eleven times, etc.” “The bad news,” he continued, “is that she’s a lying whore who’s trying to trap me. I’m sure that her suddenly being ‘on the pill’ had nothing to do with the restraining order that I had against her, right? She knew that I was trying to break up with her, and as a result, she decided that getting pregnant would make me change my mind. It won’t!” He added, “Besides, I hate children! Children are people too!”
An insider who is close to the couple said that Malek isn’t bluffing in his refusal to raise the child. “Keith feels like he was used, ” said the source, “and he’s right. Not only is he refusing to raise the child, but he doesn’t want to pay child support either. When you think about it, that makes sense. I mean, Jessica must have made a lot more money with those Fantastic Four movies than Keith made with his K-Mart video.”
December 18, 2007