WASHINGTON, D.C.– Reports out of Washington D.C. have confirmed that Joe Biden died on June 25, the same day that Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest. The outspoken Vice President succumbed to a stroke in his home, according to his wife, Jill Biden. “Joe died on the same day as Michael Jackson,” said an angry Jill, “so naturally, the media didn’t feel the need to report it. I mean, it’s not as if my husband’s death was a big deal or anything. He was only the second most powerful man in America.”
Yesterday, President Obama expressed remorse over the passing of Biden, saying, “Joe was a man who, much like Michael Jackson, worked hard and never gave up on pursuing his dreams. He will be missed.” Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was sworn in as the new Vice President last night at 7:30 PM, Eastern Standard Time. The reason why it took so long to execute this transition of power was because, according to Pelosi, “We wanted to give ourselves sufficient time to mourn the death of Michael Jackson before resuming the business of government.” She added, “As for Joe Biden, President Obama is about to pass major legislation in regards to health care reform. And if it weren’t for Vice President Biden, that legislation would never have been passed. You know how they say that Michael Jackson was the king of pop? Well, Joe Biden was the king of health care reform. But enough about Joe Biden. Let’s talk about Michael Jackson.”
When asked to comment on the passing of Vice President Biden, Senator Christopher Dodd (D–Conn) said, “To this day, I can still remember vividly the first time I saw the Thriller video. Simply put, Michael Jackson was a genius.” MSNBC political analyst Richard Wolffe agreed with Senator Dodd, saying, “When I first heard the news of Joe Biden’s passing, I had been listening to the song Billie Jean, so the news of Biden’s death didn’t affect me in even the slightest way. Because unless you’re paralyzed from the waist down, it is impossible to not tap your foot during the opening sequence of that song. Hell, I usually get up and start moonwalking.”
Michael Jackson’s autopsy is expected to be concluded this week.
July 19, 2009