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3 Thoughts On The Aurora, Colorado Shooting


— If someone can walk into a screening of Batman, call himself The Joker, and shoot dozens of people, everyone should pause and consider what could have happened if that individual had walked into a screening of Please Cum Inside Me 7 and called himself Ron Jeremy.

— If New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg had been the mayor of Aurora, Colorado and had instituted a ban on drinks larger than 32 ounces, I wonder if events might have played out differently. Because there’s a good chance that you could kill a gunman if you were to throw a 50 ounce soda at them. On the other hand, the gunman was wearing a helmet, and people who drink 50 ounce sodas are probably too fat to run away from danger.


But on a more serious note….


A pair of breeders brought their four-month-old baby to the movie. The media keeps interviewing these misfits, who keep crying profusely because their little human pet got shot in the leg. Now if you were wondering how badly our national epidemic of narcissism among breeders has become, it is best exemplified by the fact that very few people have even bothered to question why a four-month-old baby was at a midnight showing of a movie to begin with.  Unfortunately, the baby will be okay. And yes, that is unfortunate. It’s unfortunate because it’s already being taught that rules of common decency don’t apply to him because he’s a child. And some day, he’ll grow up to have children of his own, and they’ll be taught the same thing. If that little bundle of carbon had died, entire generations of assholes would have been prevented from walking this earth. Speaking of assholes, the very first thought that came to mind when I heard about the shooting was “I wonder how many of the victims were talking on their cell phones during the movie.” Is talking on one’s cell phone during a movie worthy of a death sentence? Maybe not. And maybe one can argue that bringing a four-month-old baby to a movie isn’t worthy of a death sentence either.

However, they just showed a photograph on the news of one of the victims, and in the photo, he was hunting a deer with his father. He got shot in the ass, but because bad things don’t happen to bad people, he too, will be okay. He will survive, which means that many animals will not. He will survive, and go on to kill the innocent. This reinforces what I always say whenever there is a “tragedy” involving people: one needs to know a little bit more about the victims before having the automatic, knee-jerk determination that an event is “tragic.”



July 22, 2012




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