LUBBOCK, TX– An angry Mitt Romney supporter pulled the lever extra hard in the voting booth on Tuesday, not realizing that it would only result in the former Massachusetts governor receiving one vote from him. According to witnesses, Billy Ray Hawkins entered the voting booth at approximately 8:36 AM, and what sounded like a “small explosion” occurred seconds later. An angry Hawkins then emerged from the voting booth, and was heard muttering, “I just done did removed the darkie from the White House!”
And while Mitt Romney managed to win the state of Texas and its 38 electoral votes, President Obama earned 303 electoral votes nationally, giving him another four years as our nation’s commander in chief, and prompting Hawkins to question what he might have done wrong as a voter. “I don’t get it,” he said. “First, I thought about how much I love my country. Then I asked Jesus to give me the strength to pull that lever with all my might. And then I pulled it like the dickens!” Pulling it “like the dickens” almost got him arrested, according to Lubbock, Texas voting officials. “He didn’t quite break the machine, but he almost did,” said one official. “I think he was jacked up on moonshine at the time.”
This isn’t the first time that Dawkins had a bad experience while voting. In 2008, while pulling the lever as hard as he could while voting for John McCain, his hands slipped off of the lever and knocked out two of his remaining six teeth.
November 8, 2012