The other night, I got into an argument with my girlfriend, Aileen. We were in my living room at the time, and she stormed off into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. I knew that she would eventually have to emerge from the bedroom, and that she would give me a death stare in the process, so I decided to mess with her head a bit.
I stripped down to my underwear, pulled some bright green wrapping paper out of my closet, and started to tape it to my legs. Hey this is kind of fun I thought, so I decided to also tape some aluminum foil to my torso. On my coffee table was the latest issue of Time Out New York. “Fuck it. I already read it,” I said to myself while tearing out a few pages and taping them to my arms. I had this nagging suspicion though that something was missing. Finally, it hit me. Aileen has a pink shower cap with multi-colored polka dots!
After I was done with my little arts and crafts project, I stood in the middle of my living room, patiently waiting to see the look on Aileen’s face once she emerged from the bedroom. I only had to wait for about ten minutes, which is good, but I had just bought two bottles of wine, so I was willing to wait at least three or four hours.
Yeah, I’m not sure how I have a girlfriend either.
January 28, 2009