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Pope’s Death Turns Out To Be April Fool’s Day Joke


THE VATICAN—Pope John Paul II faked his own death yesterday, resulting in what may very well be the most elaborate and successful April Fool’s Day joke ever constructed. Upon hearing of the Pope’s death, thousands of Catholics participated in a candlelight vigil outside of the Vatican. Just then, in a rare display of humor, the Pope walked out onto the Vatican’s balcony and shouted, “April Fools! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Jesus Christ, you motherfuckers are gullible!” The mourners were stunned, and they became even more stunned when the Pope began to jump rope, shouting, “I was never even sick!” He then tied the jump-rope around his ankle and said, “Hey look! Pope on a rope! Ha ha!” Thousands of jaws dropped as the pontiff shouted to the masses, “This morning, it was announced that my kidneys were shutting down. If my kidneys were shutting down, would I be able to do this?” He then opened up a Heineken and chugged it faster than a frat boy at a Cancun keg party. “Holy shit! That tasted good! God damn,” he shouted, adding, “alright, I’m going back inside. Desperate Housewives is on. Peace out, dogs.”



April 2, 2005


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