BRONX– Following the tragic death of pitcher Cory Lidle, the New York Yankees have signed Mohammed Atta to a five-year, $8.5 million contract. Atta, who slammed United Airlines flight 11 into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, said that he feels “honored to play on a team of such tradition and pride.” Team captain Derek Jeter welcomed Atta to the Yankees, saying, “It’s great that the league is showing a message of tolerance for Muslim players, even if that player happened to help take part in the slaughtering of 3,000 innocent people. That is, after all, what this country is all about.”
That’s not to say that everyone is welcoming Atta with open arms. Yankees pitcher Randy Johnson said, “I think it’s stupid to automatically assume that he can pitch just because he crashed a plane into a building.” He added, “Besides, how’s he going to travel with the team? He’s obviously on the no-fly list.”
Atta will be the first Saudi Arabian to ever play major league baseball. He will replace Cory Lidle, who crashed a small, non-commercial plane into an apartment building on East 72nd Street. Lidle, unlike Atta, was not a terrorist. He was just a really really really bad pilot.
October 14, 2006