BROOKLYN– Floppy was enjoying his day. Escaping the brutal summer heat, the four-year-old bassett hound frolicked in the water of the “Dog Beach,” a designated area of a pond in Prospect Park where dog owners take their four-legged friends to go swimming. Floppy swam, sniffed other dogs backsides, and was fetching a tennis ball that was thrown by his owner, thirty-two-year-old Jeff Hampton. But at 3:05 PM, Eastern Standard Time, everything changed, and Floppy was no longer happy.
At that point, Hampton made a throwing motion without actually releasing the ball. “I love doing that,” said Hampton. “Floppy looks around for an entire minute before he realizes that the ball is still in my hand.” Unfortunately, Floppy didn’t find Hampton’s humor to be nearly as amusing. “He does that to me all the time, and I’m sick of it,” Floppy told reporters. “He thinks it’s funny. Well, we’ll see how funny it is when the veins in his neck are wrapped around my teeth!” Floppy went on to say that when he finally attacks Hampton, it will be in his sleep. “Believe me when I tell you that there’s nothing I would like more than to kill him right there at the dog beach, right after he pulls that tennis ball stunt,” said Floppy. “That would send a clear message to all of the other dog owners to not do the same thing. We hate that. However, it’s important that I maintain a certain element of surprise, so I’m going to kill him shortly after midnight.”
Aileen Caraballo is a Manhattan veterinarian. She found Floppy’s threats to be “shocking,” saying, “Basset Hounds are the sweetest, most gentle dogs you would ever want to meet.” Floppy insists that their sweet, gentle nature is all an act, saying, “I’m glad that everyone thinks we’re sweet. Like I said, I’m going to need an element of surprise right before I sink my teeth into Jeff’s throat. ”
Jeff woke up this morning, unscathed; Floppy had fallen asleep shortly before midnight. But he remains determined. “I hope that Jeff doesn’t get lulled into a false sense of security just because I sleep twenty hours a day,” he said. “Because at the very first moment that I’m awake and he’s asleep, he’s fucking dead!”
June 15, 2008