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Little Piggy That Went “Wee Wee Wee” All The Way Home Amazed By His Own Endurance

 

JACKSON, WYOMING– A little piggy was amazed by his own endurance on Tuesday after he went “wee wee wee” all the way home, a distance of over two miles. The piggy, who had wandered away from the farm that he was living on, claims that he rarely exercises. “I’m not the type of piggy that likes to go to the gym,” he said, “so when I had this sudden burst of energy, I could hardly believe it.”

The little piggy lives with four other little piggies, each of whom play their own respective roles. One little piggy went to the market, while one little piggy stayed home. Another little piggy had roast beef, while the fourth little piggy didn’t have any. But the fifth little piggy’s actions have stirred up quite a bit of controversy, leaving Lindsey Teed, an expert on animal behavior, deeply concerned. “Not once in my career have I seen anything like this,” said Teed. “First of all, pigs never say ‘wee wee wee’ unless they’re from France. This pig was from Wyoming. Usually, pigs just stick to saying ‘oink.’ More importantly, why did he feel the need to say this all the way home? This little piggy obviously has some deep rooted psychological issues.”

Teed might be onto something. According to the little piggy who had roast beef, the little piggy that went ‘wee wee wee’ all the way home has a long history of mental illness. “For the past three years, he’s been in and out of the psych center,” he said. “I think he told me that he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I don’t know. I do everything I can to try to avoid him.” So do the other pigs. “The reason why I went to the market in the first place was so that I could get away from him,” said the little piggy that went to the market. “I could tell that he didn’t take his medication, so I kept myself busy by running errands.” The little piggy that didn’t have any roast beef said that the reason why he didn’t eat was because he was too nervous. “I was also able to tell that he didn’t take his medicine, and that it was going to be a bad day,” he said. “I mean, why else would I turn down roast beef? I’m a pig, for crying out loud! So if I’m going to turn down roast beef, there’s obviously something wrong.”

There was indeed. When he was asked why he strayed two miles from his home in the first place, the mentally ill piggy responded by saying, “The cow that jumped over the moon told me to.”

 

 

July 18, 2007

 

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One comment on “Little Piggy That Went “Wee Wee Wee” All The Way Home Amazed By His Own Endurance

  1. And before anyone accuses me of stealing from that stupid Geico commercial…check the date. I wrote this all the way back in 2007.

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