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Prisoner Who Has Spent 6 Months In Solitary Confinement Becomes Really Good At Masturbation

 

BRONX– After spending the past six months in solitary confinement at Rikers Island, sources say that prisoner Peter Hardwick has become really good at masturbation. Hardwick, who has served two years of a five year sentence for armed robbery, was sentenced to nine months of solitary confinement after starting a prison riot back in January, in which two guards were seriously injured.  Hardwick, 25, now spends a large portion of his day masturbating, and he claims that he has become “quite good at it.” “Whether its ex-girlfriends, celebrities, or former co-workers, it doesn’t matter,” said Hardwick. “I’m able to conjure up fantasies about nearly anyone.” In fact, Hardwick claims that his skills have improved so much that he’s able to successfully masturbate to things that wouldn’t even normally arouse him. “I’ve been fantasizing about farm animals lately,” he said. “Again, outside of these walls, I would never even think about touching a farm animal. But when you’re thrown into solitary for months on end, all sorts of weird thoughts tend to creep into your mind.”

In addition to masturbation, Hardwick claims that he has also become really good at daydreaming and napping.

 

 

August 21, 2004

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