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Newspaper Sales Drop 60% Since Malek’s Death

 

BROOKLYN– It’s been only one week since Keith Malek plunged into the East River, but the world of journalism has certainly felt the impact. The number of Americans who now read newspapers has plummeted by an astounding sixty percent since his death. But some people, including New York Times editor Paul Davee, are not surprised. “In terms of journalism, not since Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1436 has there been an event of this kind of magnitude,” he said.

When asked about his colleague’s unfortunate demise, AP reporter Caligula Eros commented, “In the first few days after his death, people were still buying newspapers, but they were only buying them because they wanted to know whether or not Malek was alive. But once they gave up hope, they no longer had a reason to read.” He added, “The few people out there who are still buying newspapers are only buying them for the Sudoku puzzles.”

Malek had fallen off of the Brooklyn Bridge while trying to catch a football thrown by his literary agent, Tom Szaniawski. He was 27.

 

 

October 9, 2006

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