BROOKLYN– It’s unlikely, but if Keith Malek did indeed fake his own death, the Associated Press is willing to offer the retired writer $10,000 per article. “The day that Keith Malek retired was pretty much the day that journalism died,” said Jackson Valentin, Chief Editor of the Associated Press. “Therefore, if he’s alive, we’re willing to pay him top dollar for his return.” New York Times editor Paul Davee wasn’t at all surprised by the Associated Press’s offer, saying, “Right now, the demand for Malek’s talent is unprecedented. Editors want him to write for them the way a starving man wants food. They’ll give him whatever he wants, carte blanche.”
Malek allegedly fell off of the Brooklyn Bridge on October 1, but there has been speculation that he might have faked his death and moved to Paris. His body has not been found.
October 12, 2006