Archive | November 2012

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Jessica Alba Pregnant With Keith Malek’s Child

  BROOKLYN– Hollywood actress Jessica Alba is expecting her first child with boyfriend Keith Malek. “I can confirm that Jessica and Keith are expecting a baby in late spring/early summer,” Alba’s publicist, Brad Cafarella said on Monday in an e-mail to the Associated Press. Alba, 26, stars in the new thriller Awake, and recently appeared […]

Urban Outfitters

  I’ve probably filled out ten-thousand job applications in the past four years, and I’ve noticed a particular pattern: the jobs that just barely require an IQ of room temperature tend to take themselves the most seriously. Case in point, clothing stores. The other day, I was walking past a clothing store that had a […]

Dozens Of Earthquakes Rock The United States; Libraries And Bookstores Looted

  UNITED STATES– Fifty major earthquakes rocked the United States yesterday, leaving over a hundred thousand people dead. At exactly 6:38 AM, Eastern Standard Time, each of the fifty states experienced an earthquake that measured 7.5 on the Richter scale. But what was even more shocking than the actual earthquakes were American’s reactions to them. […]

National Day Of Prayer Results In 200 Million Americans Wishes Coming True

  USA– For one day only, every American of religious faith had their wishes come true, thanks to the National Day Of Prayer, an annual observance that, up until this year, had failed to produce results. “This was, without a doubt, the greatest day of my life,” said Regina Templeton, who was cured of her […]

Area Man Harbors Desire To Fuck A Woman Through A Plate Glass Window

  NEW YORK CITY– Several times throughout the year, Keith Malek works as an on the daytime soap opera One Life To Live. When he does, he sometimes appears in scenes with Melinda Fallo, a twenty-four-year-old actress who plays the role of Eriana. Yesterday, while referring to Fallo, Malek confused the entire nation when he […]

Insomnia

  One saying that I never understood is, “You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.” First of all, it’s impossible to lie in a bed that has already been made. The saying should be, “You made your bed, now you have to unmake it and lie in it.” Either way, this […]

What The Critics Are Saying About Keith Malek

“No journalist since Hunter S. Thompson has been able to achieve what Keith Malek has achieved: the ability to not only capture today’s biggest stories, but the ability to blend fact with fiction. This isn’t to say that the facts of his stories are incorrect, but rather, the only thing lacking accuracy is his self-deprecating […]