I just bought a packet of Tylenol, and the clerk actually tried to put it in a plastic bag! I explained to her that the packet takes up about one tenth of my pocket, and that the bag itself is about twenty-five times the size of my purchase. She spoke limited English, so I broke into a full fledged, Kieron Slattery style pantomime in which I pretended to be a sea turtle being strangled by the bag. If the people standing in line behind me were wondering why I was lying on the floor, playing dead, they made no indication of it. In fact, oddly enough, they seemed to be enjoying it.
I was also going to explain to the clerk the connection between plastic bags, oil, and terrorism, but I knew (regretfully) that my proficiency in the art of pantomime would have fallen far short of what was needed to explain such difficult concepts. I mean, pretending to fly an airplane into a building is not only disrespectful, but it looks like I’m doing nothing more than imitating an eagle.
August 29, 2010