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Journalistic Mash-up

In which AP reporter Keith Malek conveniently condenses the newspaper into a much briefer, reader-friendly format.

Police Blotter/Obituaries/Movie Listings

Chelsea resident Steven Romer was arrested on Friday after robbing the grave of Madeline Dawson, a woman who worked tirelessly to provide for her family and who never had an unkind word to say about anyone. Romer was arrested while leaving the Chelsea Clearview Cinema where he watched Invictus, which is playing at 12:30, 3:00, 4:10, 5:15, 7:00, 8:40, and 10:30.

Personal Ads/Sports/Weather

Yankees right fielder Nick Swisher, a SWM who hit a game winning three run homerun in Tuesday night’s game against the Baltimore Orioles, is seeking a SWF, 25-35 yrs old, to go on long walks through Central Park, preferably on Sunday, since it will be sunny and warm with a high temperature of 82 degrees.

Comics/Horroscope/Celebrity Gossip

Beetle Bailey, a Sagitarrius who will find his luck improving as Jupiter enters a new moon, was seen holding holds last night with Amy Winehouse while exiting The Brown Derby in Los Angeles. Sources close to the Army private said that Bailey later received oral sex from Winehouse in exchange for crack cocaine.

 

 

December 19, 2009

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