NEW YORK CITY– “My Sweet Lord,” the six-foot tall chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, was eaten late last night by five women who had PMS. The sculpture, which was created by artist Cosimo Cavallaro, presented Christ with his arms outstretched as though he were nailed to an invisible cross. It stirred up a great deal of controversy, and lead to the cancellation of a planned Holy Week exhibition. Much to the delight of Jesus buffs everywhere, the sculpture was “destroyed” by five hungry, menstruating women. According to police, the women broke into the art gallery at around midnight and proceeded to eat the sculpture until shortly after 2 AM. Lisa Greenbeck, who ate Jesus’ right leg and the bottom portion of his right arm, said that they all split Jesus into five equal parts. “Two of us each got a leg and half of an arm. Two other women ate the remaining halves of the arms, and they split half of Jesus’ torso,” said Greenbeck. “And the fifth woman ate Jesus’ neck and head. She also ate his penis, which was pretty appropriate considering that she’s a total nymphomaniac.” “Eating Jesus equally was the good, Christian thing to do,” said Tina McCallister, who ate the left side of Jesus’ torso. “It reinforced the lesson of sharing.”
Dr. Patrick Doons is amazed that the women were able to eat so much chocolate. “The average weight of these women was 120 pounds,” said Dr. Doons. “The sculpture weighed more than two-hundred pounds, meaning that each of these women ate more than a third of their body weight.” But Carol Phillips, who ate the right portion of Jesus’ torso, as well as half of his right arm, wasn’t the least bit surprised. “If you expose six menstruating women to two-hundred pounds of chocolate, it’s equivalent to unleashing a school of great white sharks upon a dead humpback whale. I would give my right arm to be able to do it again. Ha ha! Get it? My right arm?”
This isn’t the first time that Cosimo Cavallaro has used food in his artwork. Nor is it the first time that people have eaten his work. Back in 2002, Cavallaro placed 312 pounds of processed ham onto a four-poster bed. The ham was eaten by a group of potheads.
March 31, 2007