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Biblical Scholars Believe That “My Sweet Lord” Was Actually The Second Coming Of Christ

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX– Forget what you heard about fire and brimstone. According to some biblical scholars, Christ has already returned…in the form of chocolate. “My Sweet Lord,” a chocolate based sculpture that Christians have deemed “sacrilegious,” was the actual body of Jesus Christ, according to Rev. Owen Planchart, author of the book “Sweet Tooth For God: A Diabetic’s Guide To The Book Of Revelation.” “There are several passages in the bible that make references to chocolate,” said Planchart. “For example, in the book of Deuteronomy, the God of Abraham says, ‘Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.’ Also, Paul once said to the Corinthians, ‘Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t. Almond Joy’s got nuts. Mounds don’t.”

The news of Christ’s second coming was disappointing to many. One of the people who were disappointed was Jackson Valens, 34, of Manhattan, who said, “I was hoping that if Christ were to come again, he was going to fix all of our problems. Either that or I thought he was going to kill all of us. But for him to just sit there in an art gallery, I don’t get it.” Alan Treacy, an avid reader of the Bible, does “get it.” He quoted Mark 5:4 who said, “Chocolate is scrumptious. When it crunches. That’s why I love Nestle Crunch.”

 

 

April 1, 2007

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