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Keith Malek Cancels Bonnie DeDely’s Imaginary Newspaper Subscription

WASHINGTONVILLE, NY– Tired of her constant, disparaging letters to the editor, Keith Malek arranged for Bonnie DeDely to no longer have Malek’s imaginary newspaper delivered to her home. Yesterday, DeDely wrote a letter to the editor, accusing Malek of being “autistic.” Three days earlier, DeDely wrote a letter to the editor in which she questioned Malek’s affinity for cyclopses, saying “Journalists with integrity write stories because they’re important, not because they rhyme.” Instead of responding to DeDely’s letters (either verbally or in print), Malek decided that it would be easier to just cancel DeDely’s newspaper subscription. “I reach 120 million readers spanning five continents,” said Malek, “I don’t have time to waste on the ignorant.”

DeDely took offense to being called “ignorant,” saying, “How quickly he forgets that back in October, just after he faked his death, I wrote a letter to the editor requesting that they keep hope alive until Malek’s body is found.” She added, “And quite frankly, I’m shocked that Malek would stoop to such Gestapo-like tactics. If he really does hate President Bush as much as he says he does, then he should stop acting like him!”

But many people believe DeDely got off easy. One of those people is Malek’s colleague, Caligula Eros, who said, “Believe me when I tell you that Keith Malek is a very, very powerful man. Out of all the things that Malek could have ‘cancelled,’ she should feel lucky that it was only her imaginary newspaper subscription.”

 

 

April 3, 2007

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