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Journalist Vows To Focus More Media Attention On Cyclopses

BROOKLYN– After interviewing a cyclops about Lasik surgery, journalist Keith Malek has vowed to focus more attention on cyclopses everywhere. “I’ve developed a special affinity for these people,” said Malek. “Cyclopses hardly get any attention in the mainstream media, and as a journalist, I plan on changing that,” he said. But many people fail to understand Malek’s cause. One of those people is CNN reporter Kristen Aurian, who said, “The reason why cyclopses don’t receive much attention from the media is because they’re so rare, and therefore, as a demographic, they hardly ever make news.” However, Malek disagrees with Aurian. He cites racism as the cause. “I agree that cyclopses are rare,” said Malek. “Due to global warming, they’re practically extinct. But the reason why cyclopses don’t receive much attention from the media is because they’re ugly. I wish to change that. As a famous journalist, it’s nice to be able to give something back to the community, and I’ll do that by showing everyone that cyclopses are really wonderful freaks, er, people.”

 

 

March 29, 2007

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