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Rachael Ray’s Second-In-Command Killed In Afghanistan

AFGHANISTAN– On Tuesday, Dunkin Donuts pulled a television ad featuring Al Qaeda leader and Food Network personality Rachael Ray, after a Fox News commentator complained about Ray’s clothing. Yesterday, Ray’s second-in-command, Mahmoud Abdul Rashafi, was killed by a cruise missile outside of Kabul, Afghanistan.

But Ray, who is still at large for the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, remains alive, according to officials in the State Department. “Although this can’t be confirmed with one-hundred percent certainty, we believe that Rachael Ray is hiding somewhere on the border between India and Pakistan,” said State Department spokesman Harry O’Reilly. “Even so,” he added, “the fact that Rashafi was killed serves as a huge sign of progress in the war on terror.”

In the Dunkin Donuts ad that was pulled off the air, Ray was wearing a kiffiyeh, a Middle Eastern scarf that was popularized by Yasser Arafat, and is commonly worn in beheading and hostage-taking videos. Ray instructed “all true Muslims” to “purchase an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts so that the blood of the infidels will be spilled.”

Ray’s number three-in-command, chef Emeril Lagasse, is still at large, as is Ray’s number four-in-command, Mario Batali.



May 29, 2008


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