Leave a comment

Richard Simmons Joins The Miami Heat; Team Changes Its Name To The Flamers

MIAMI- In an attempt to show tolerance for homosexuality, the Miami Heat have signed exercise guru Richard Simmons to a three-year, $2.5 million contract. The team subsequently decided to change its name to the Miami Flamers. When asked about the name change, NBA commissioner David Stern said, “Heat, Flamers…they’re practically the same thing. And now that Richard is on the team, ‘Flamers’ is even more appropriate.” Simmons, 44, will be the league’s first homosexual point guard. According to Flamers coach Pat Riley, “He wanted to be the tight end, but I had to explain to him that that’s football, not basketball.” Miami had their first pre-season practice on Thursday, and second-year phenom Duane Wade was impressed by Simmons’s game. “He hit, like, six or seven three-pointers in a row,” said an amazed Wade, “I couldn’t believe how well that little faggot could shoot!” But not everyone is happy with Simmons’s arrival. Center Shaquille O’Neal has publicly stated that he’s “not happy”  with the 44 year-old “Sweatin’ To The Oldies” star. When asked to elaborate on as to why he’s not pleased with Simmons’s presence on the team, O’ Neal said, “During practice, I was guarding him in the low post when all of a sudden, he tried to suck my dick.”

Simmons was unavailable for comment.



September 9, 2006


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: