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Kobe Bryant Shocked To Discover That He Has Teammates

LOS ANGELES– On Saturday night, with two minutes left in the first quarter of a game against the Dallas Mavericks, Kobe Bryant was shocked to learn that there are other people besides him who play for the Los Angeles Lakers. Bryant, who is averaging 135 points per game this season, was confused when a shot that he took was rebounded by “some tall white guy in a Lakers uniform.” That tall white guy was Lakers forward Luke Walton, who Bryant apparently didn’t recognize. “When I saw him standing under the basket, I just assumed that he was some mentally ill fan who made his way down to the court,” said Bryant. Lakers coach Phil Jackson then called a time out and introduced Bryant to the rest of his teammates. “I told him my name and extended my hand towards him,” said guard Maurice Evans, “but he refused to shake it. Instead, he turned to Coach Jackson and insisted that he should be the only one allowed to play.” “I don’t know these people, I don’t like these people, I don’t want these people fucking up my game,” said Bryant.

Despite Bryant’s 120 point effort, the Lakers went on to lose to the Mavericks, 125-120. After the game, Bryant was quoted in the locker room as saying, “I always wondered why there were all these naked guys standing around in here after I got done playing basketball.”



April 2, 2007


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