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95 Year-Old Vows To Party Like It’s 1929

NEW YORK CITY– Ninety-five-year-old Charles Cathar knows that he won’t be around much longer. As a result, he has decided to live life to the fullest. Tonight, Cathar plans on going to New York City’s Webster Hall, a five story mega club. “I’m going there for two reasons,” said Cathar. “One, I want to shake my ass. And two, I want to get my drink on.” But many doctors are cautioning Cathar to take it easy. “I can understand why he would want to have as much fun as possible,” said Dr. Marissa Rodriguez. “But at his age, getting his ‘drink on’ could kill him.” Cathar, who is a widower, is not worried about the doctor’s concerns, saying, “Not only will I drink and dance to my heart’s desire, but I plan on getting laid as well.” Dr. Rodriguez also warned Cathar that he could die by attempting to have sex. “He shouldn’t be doing anything strenuous,” she said. Cathar doesn’t care. “Not only am I going to get laid,” he said, “but I’m shooting for a threesome.”  He then added, “I’m bringing sexy back.”

In the style of Prince, Cathar was heard singing, “One nine three zero, party’s over, oops, out of time! Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1929!” Cathar, who in 1929 was 17, said, “Up until the stock market crashed and this country was thrown into a major Depression, 1929 was a hell of a year!”

 

 

April 3, 2007

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