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Dane Cook Loses Two Fingers In Accident; Comedian Now Has Permanent “Su-Fi”

LOS ANGELES– Comedian Dane Cook cut off two of his fingers on Monday, leaving him with a permanent “su-fi.” Cook, who owns a house on the outskirts of Los Angeles, was using a buzz saw to make a wooden shed for his backyard. His cell phone, which was sitting on a table a few feet away from where he was cutting a piece of wood, began to ring. “I wasn’t going to answer it,” said the thirty-five-year-old comedian, “but I looked down just to see who was calling me.” It was at that moment that Cook felt a sharp pain. He looked down and saw that his hand was covered in blood. While describing the incident, Cook took on the physicality of a man who suffers from epilepsy. “I was all bloody,” shouted Cook while spinning in circles and waving his entire arm. “I was bloodified! I was bloodadocious! If I were a Transformers character, my name would be Optimus Blood!”

Cook claims that if there is anything good that came from the incident, it’s the fact that he now has a permanent “su-fi.” In his comedy act, Cook has said that sometimes, you get so mad at someone that you don’t want to give them the finger; you want to give them the “super-finger.” The super-finger (or “su-fi” for short) consists of raising the middle finger, ring finger, and thumb on the same hand while curling the index finger and pinky fingers. But as Cook explains, “One time, I was driving down Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, when out of nowhere, this guy cut me off. I flashed him the su-fi. He laughed, and then threw a su-fi right back at me. Since then, the su-fi has become a sign of recognition and respect among my fans.”

Not wasting any time since Cook’s accident, thousands of his fans from all across the country have surgically removed their index and pinky fingers. As one fan put it, “All you really need is your thumb, middle finger, and ring finger anyway.” “The amount of support that my fans have shown me over the last few days has been amazing,” said Cook. “To all of my fans who have been chopping off their fingers, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.” When he was asked whether or not he felt that missing two of his fingers would be inconvenient, Cook said, “I doubt it. And if I do want a couple more fingers, I’ll just steal them from Louis C.K.”

 

 

August 23, 2007

 

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