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10 People Killed In Nebraska Mall Shooting; State Population Down To 18

OMAHA, NEBRASKA– Ten people were gunned down in a Nebraska shopping mall last week, giving new meaning to the expression “shop ’til you drop.” And according to the United States Census Bureau, now that ten of Nebraska’s residents are deceased (the shooter turned the gun on himself) the state’s population is now down to eighteen people.

“This is a shattering loss,” said Omaha mayor Harry O’Reilly. “To think that we lost over a third of our state’s residents over the course of one afternoon. It’s almost too much to bare.” In addition to the loss of life, other Nebraska residents are considering packing up their belongings and moving to a state that is far less violent. One of those residents is twenty-one-year-old Christina Auriana of Plains, Nebraska. “You know, the biggest reason that I avoid major cities like Omaha is because of the amount of violent crime that takes place there,” she said. “I know that the city might have a lot to offer, but it’s not worth risking my life for.” She added, “Besides, that’s how it all starts. Murders occur in a major metropolis like Omaha, but then they’ll start to spread out to the suburbs. I’m leaving while I still can.”

Auriana plans on moving to Wyoming.

 

December 13, 2007

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