GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA– An unpublished report from Amnesty International claims that suspects accused of terrorism might have been forced to watch the movie Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous. If the report is true, then the United States can be found guilty of violating the Geneva Convention, which outlaws torture.
Ramsey Abdul Rashif, a former Iraqi insurgent from Basra who was captured by US Marines, claims that he was tied up and forced to watch the film. “At first, they made me watch Living Simply, a student film that Keith Malek starred in back in 2002,” said Rashif, “I can assure you that whatever the inmates in Abu Grahib experienced could not have been nearly as bad as having to watch Living Simply. When it was over, they threatened me by saying that they were going to play the film again unless I told them everything I knew about the insurgency and future terrorist attacks. There was no way that I was going to let them do that to me, so I told them everything they wanted to know. But then, just to be cruel, they put on Miss Congeniality 2.” He began to cry, and said, “I know that what I did was wrong, but no human being should ever have to watch any portion of that film, ever!”
A Marine officer who wished to remain anonymous said, “We did not, at any point, show either one of those films to detainees. However, I don’t see how staring at Sandra Bullock for two hours can be seen as torture.” Others disagree. Nikki Ghisel, a spokesperson for Amnesty International, said, “I saw Miss Congeniality 2 when it was in movie theaters, and when I left the theater, I started bashing my head into the sidewalk, trying desperately to give myself amnesia so that I can forget that I had ever seen it. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.”
Mr. Rashif is suing the US government for ten million dollars.
October 22, 2005