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The Difference Between Outtakes and Takeout

Just to let you know, there’s a huge difference between outtakes and takeout. Outtakes are when, during the shooting of a movie or television show, actors or crew members make some sort of mistake, and it gets caught on film. Most of the time, it’s funny.

Takeout, on the other hand, is when you order food from a restaurant, and it’s delivered to your door. It is rarely captured on film, and when someone makes a mistake, it’s never, ever funny. On rare occasions, it’s tolerable. You say to the deliveryman, “I ordered General Tao’s chicken, but fine. I’m starving, so I’ll eat the moo goo gai pan, you stupid cunt.” But on other occasions, when you’re not quite as hungry and a takeout order goes wrong, it ends in a savage act of violence that requires intervention from experienced police officers (I’m grumpy when it comes to my dinner). Then again, regardless of how hungry you are, when you call the delivery man a “stupid cunt,” you’re takeout experience might still result in violence, depending on how well he speaks English. Either way, there’s a good chance that violence will occur, and I let the restaurant know that when I place my order over the telephone.

I have to go now. My food is here.


March 15, 2005


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