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Mysterious White Powder Found In Crack House; FBI Rules Out Anthrax

BROOKLYN– Police made a startling discovery yesterday while raiding a crackhouse in Brownsville. A large pile of white powder was lying on the kitchen counter, leading police officer Lawrence O’Talloran to suspect the worst. “I thought it might be anthrax,” said O’Talloran, who immediately notified the FBI.

Within minutes, local branches of the FBI, as well as the Department of Health and Human Services, arrived at the scene and evacuated the area within a ten block radius. Fortunately, the white powder turned out to be nothing more than cocaine. Even so, many people were mad at O’Talloran for causing such a stir. One FBI agent who wished to remain anonymous said, “He was in a crackhouse! Of course he was going to find white powder! Did the thought not cross his mind that the powder might be, oh I don’t know, some form of narcotic?”

But O’Talloran defended his judgement, saying, “You can never be too safe. Sure, the FBI is mad at me, but they need to understand that my range of talents when it comes to law enforcement spread far and wide. Not only do I protect people from drug dealers, but I protect them from terrorists as well. I am simply outstanding.”

 

August 5, 2004

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