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I Hold Myself In Contempt

“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”

-Norm Crosby

My last blog was about how Michael Jackson was found innocent of child molestation since it was really the rap group Snap that was the guilty party. Whether or not you believe that is in direct proportion to how many illegal drugs you’ve consumed in your lifetime. But if Jackson was indeed guilty, then it was partially my fault that he beat the molestation rap. You see, I believe that I, along with Matt O’Talloran, Rachel Fieldman, Alexa Vasquez, Tom Szaniawski, and Owen Planchart (a group I like to call The Too Much Fun Club, a term I stole from Hunter S. Thompson) had a responsibility to make a trip out to California to infiltrate the Jackson jury. While we don’t normally involve ourselves in civic causes, I think that we would’ve had a hell of a good time if we had paid off some of the jurors to let us sit in for them. Even if we had been twisted out of our minds on drugs and alcohol, we would’ve still done a better job as jurors than the ones who served. For example, one juror in the Jackson trial told a reporter that he believed that Jackson may have molested at least two boys, but not the accuser:”That’s not to say that he’s an innocent man. He’s just not guilty of the crimes he’s been charged with.” WHAT? Where do they find these people? Basically, what this juror failed to realize was that as a juror, his job was to send a guilty man to prison. Based on what was said at the trial, he concluded that one of the accusers was lying, but that Jackson is still guilty of child molestation. So what does he do? He renders a verdict of not guilty! This wasn’t a civil suit! If one child was indeed lying, he wasn’t going to become rich off of a guilty verdict. Even if it were a civil suit, and the lying child became rich, so what? Good things happen to bad people every day. And on the reverse side, bad things also happen to good people every day, things such as…oh, I don’t know…CHILD MOLESTATION!!!

If The Too Much Fun Club had sat on the Jackson jury, this would not have happened. Granted, any defense attorney worth his salt would’ve said something along the lines of, “Excuse me, Your Honor, the defense requests that Jurors 6 through 12 be removed from the jury. Not only are they drinking beer, but they keep laughing, and I’m not sure if there’s anything funny about child molestation.” Yes, there’s a strong possibility that we would’ve caused a mistrial, but that’s a risk that would’ve been worth taking. Hell, why not? Jackson was found not guilty anyway. All I know is that The Too Much Fun Club dropped the ball on this one. Like Edmund Burke once said, “All that is necessary for evil to prevail in this world is for good men to do nothing.”

June 28, 2005


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