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5 Years Later, Bush Still Baffled By “My Pet Goat”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – It was on this day five years ago that George W. Bush first picked up a copy of the children’s book “My Pet Goat,” setting himself on a path of intellectual exhaustion. Yesterday, the president told reporters, “It’s a very difficult book! I don’t know why they thought that a bunch of five-year-olds would understand it.” Bush had been reading the book to kindergarten students in Booker Elementary school in Sarasota, Florida, when his Chief Of Staff, Andrew Card, came in and informed him that a second plane had struck the Twin Towers. Upon hearing this, Bush became paralyzed for several minutes, an event that became famous by filmmaker Michael Moore in his critically acclaimed documentary Fahrenheit 9/11. But according to Bush, it wasn’t the destruction in New York that made him sit there with a blank expression on his face. Rather, it was what Bush referred to as “the intricate plot” of My Pet Goat that had him bewildered. “I’ve read the book several times since then, but I just can’t make any sense of it,” said Bush. “I know that it has something to do with goats, but other than that, I’m completely in the dark.”

When asked if he was planning on reading the book again, Bush responded by saying, “No. I think I’ll just bomb a bunch of innocent people instead.”

September 11, 2006

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